Because a person with Asperger’s syndrome has difficulty with social skills, Marshack says, the non-Asperger’s partner is always ready to swoop in and “save” his or her partner from embarrassment. Says Marshack, “Who wants to constantly talk their way through sex, saying things like, ‘Please put your hand here’?” People with Asperger’s can’t gauge what their partner enjoys (or does not enjoy) by reading their body language. Half of the problem arises from sensory issues, but the other half is the lack of empathy. Marshack says sex is one of the first things to fall apart in these relationships. The non-Asperger’s partner often feels unloved, worn down, and depressed, she says.Īsperger’s/non-Asperger’s couples also face a number of other challenges, including: Over time, the emotional disconnect can chip away at the relationship. Lack of empathy is one of the most challenging problems for someone with Asperger's who is in a relationship, says Kathy Marshack, PhD, a psychologist in Vancouver, Wash., who works with couples affected by Asperger’s syndrome and the author of Life With a Partner or Spouse With Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge? The non-Asperger’s member of the relationship gets angry and hurt by the partner’s lack of emotion and understanding, often saying things like, “You just don’t get it!” Because the person with Asperger’s does indeed “not get it,” he or she pulls away and gets angry and defensive, Marshack explains. How Asperger’s Syndrome Impacts Relationships Having strict routines or rituals and having a hard time with change or transitionsīecause of these eccentricities and their lack of social skills, people with Asperger’s may make few friends and are often considered loners.A keen interest in or obsession with a particular subject - an unusual interest in trains, for example - and being a master on that subject.Though each person with Asperger’s syndrome is unique, some common characteristics include: They may unwittingly say or do inappropriate things that offend or hurt others’ feelings. People with Asperger’s may also lack empathy, the ability to understand the feelings of others. They sometimes don’t pick up on “how” something was said, only on “what” was said. They have a hard time reading verbal and nonverbal cues like body language and facial expressions, and may have trouble making eye contact. Those with Asperger’s syndrome are affected to a lesser degree, but often have difficulties connecting on a social and emotional level. People with classic autism can have severe impairments in language development and the ability to relate to others. Another study published on CDC also shows that ASD is over four times more likely to be diagnosed in males than females. Recent statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) show that one in 68 American children born today has some sort of autism spectrum disorder (ASD). It is considered a high-functioning autism spectrum disorder. Asperger’s syndrome is a developmental disorder that is part of the autism spectrum. To understand how Asperger’s can create such angst in a relationship, it’s important to know how people with it are affected.
Given that Asperger’s makes emotional connections and social communication extremely difficult, it’s no wonder that a partnership between a person with Asperger’s syndrome and someone without it can be filled with stress, misunderstandings, and frustration.
And when one partner has Asperger’s syndrome, the relationship can be even more of a challenge. It takes a lot of work to make a marriage or other long-term relationship a success.
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